Discover more from The Love Lab
A Pet Peeve about Valentine's Day
Discovering Your Brakes in the Bedroom
Love month is upon us! Even though I’m a big believer of celebrating our partner(s) all year long - not just on Valentine’s Day - I do think there is a way to still make February 14th special. That being said, today I want to share my biggest pet peeve with this love holiday…
Many love and relationship coaches and sex enthusiasts in my field all offer the same advice:
“Go out and have more sex!”
”Get sexy on Valentine’s Day”
”Celebrate in the bedroom!”
It drives me nuts because…this not the way attraction and sexual arousal works!
In fact, there’s a dual control model of arousal. Sexually, we have a gas pedal and a brake pedal.
Truth? Lots of people have brakes on. There’s something blocking them from really wanting and desiring sex.
So, just telling someone to “have more sex!” is not going to help them.
What’s the better advice, from a trained sexologist (ahem!)?
Figure out what your brakes are.
Here are a few common examples I see with clients:
Kids are in the next room
Had an argument with your partner
There’s laundry to do or something else on your mind that you know you have to do
Work stress, home stress, life stress—need I say more?
Do you have brakes on? If so, what are they? Let me know in the comments below!
In the meantime, I want to let you know about a Valentine’s Day offering I created to genuinely help you deepen your bond and create more intimacy. And no, it doesn’t involve me telling you to simply have more sex! (Although it might lead to sex).
Actually, one client who tried this out said it was “better than sex.” So, what is this Valentine’s Day Experience?
If you want to stay in and get intimate with your partner this Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to try Chocolate After Dark! You’ll get a DIY chocolate recipe, plus instructional videos on what to do to your partner in order to build intimacy and explore your desires together.
I hope you’ll take advantage of this experience I co-created. Next week, I’ll share more on how to get your gas pedal going ;)
P.S. Have any questions you don’t want to put in the comments? Reply and I’ll get back to you directly!