How to Ask for What You Want Without Freaking Out
A Single Mom's Journey from Fear to Freedom
Picture this: you're a single mom, you work from home, and you have a limited circle of people to meet. Most of your day is spent shuffling the kids to and from school/camp/activities, hitting the grocery store, and then binging on some Netflix show after they're in bed. Sound familiar?
For me, dating felt like a series of starts and stops. Mostly stops. I wasn't making time to meet new people, and I certainly wasn't asking anyone out. Sure, there were cute guys at the grocery store (after work seemed to be PRIME time), but I wasn't brave enough to make a move. Plus, I was scared of rejection. Who isn't, right?
But then something changed. I realized that I wanted to take control of my dating life. I was so tired of waiting for guys to ask me out or hoping they would "get the hint" that I was interested. So, I did something radical: I started asking guys out myself. And you know what? It worked. Of course, a couple of polite no’s but they seemed flattered so okay.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "But Lanae, isn't it weird for a woman to ask a guy out?" Nope, not at all. In fact, I think it's empowering. And it's not just me. Plenty of men and women want what they can't have. So why not go after what you want?
Here's my advice:
Ask anyway. What's the worst that can happen?
Be prepared to get a "no." It's not the end of the world.
Be okay with that. Rejection happens to everyone.
If you do get a "no," thank them for their honesty.
Be prepared to get a "yes." It could happen!
Be joyful. Celebrate your victory, no matter what the outcome.
Pat yourself on the back for asking and surviving!
Remember, you'll never get what you want if you don't ask for it. Or put another way, you will never know until you ask.
It reminds me of a Mark Twain quote: "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover" -- Mark Twain
If you’re feeling like: Okay, Lanae, you’re right! I’m ready to put myself out there, but how do I ask for what I want if I’m not totally sure what I want?!
That's okay. If we’ve never had a chance to really explore that, you probably don’t know. Back when I was single, I created a dating profile that helped me figure out what I was looking for in a partner. And then, I shared how I did it with a friend. And she found a partner. And they shared it, on and on it went. Eventually, I made my process into a manual, because I realized: Whoa, this thing works!
Creating a dating profile can be difficult, but it doesn't have to be. You can create a profile that represents you and helps you find the right person for you. And who isn’t right for you.
The Create Your Own User's Manual Workbook is the perfect tool for anyone who wants to gain a better understanding of themselves. It walks you through the process of articulating your system requirements, turn-ons, and turn-offs, and helps you troubleshoot problems more effectively.
So what are you waiting for? Go out there and ask for what you want! And if you have any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments below. I'm always here to help.
P.S. In honor of National Single Parent Day this week, I’m sharing the advice I gave to single moms in O! Magazine:
"There's no reason to hide the fact that you've decided to start dating. Be upfront. When you get to a point where you're seeing someone special, take the opportunity with your children to discuss your special someone's qualities and characteristics, and why those are essential to you."
I hope this helps all the single parents out there!