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The biggest secret to a better sex life
Embodiment and how to do it
As a sexologist, people ask me all the time: Lanae, what is the secret to better sex?
The answer might surprise you by how simple it is. Are you ready for it?
Anything you can do to get out of your head and deeply into your body will have exponential positive effects on your relationships, your level of intimacy, and your sex life.
You might be thinking, That sounds great - but how do I do that?! I don’t even know where to begin!
I’ve been helping individuals and couples improve their life in the bedroom since 2009. I know what works and what does not. So today, I’m going to share with you my top tools for embodiment.
Top Tools for Embodiment
You’ve probably heard this before, but your breath is the key to everything. If you want a simple, easy way to get more embodied, moment to moment, then embodied breathing is the way to go. One of my favorite techniques is Body Scan Breathing: begin by taking a nice deep breath and continue at a slow, comfortable pace …in through your nose, and out through your mouth. You can close your eyes and begin to slowly scan your body from the tip of your head down to your toes. Notice how each part of your body feels as you pass each point along the way. No need to change anything… just observing. Breathing and scanning. Once you reach your toes, you can open your eyes and check how you feel. This style of breathing is known to calm you down and tune you into your body.
One of my favorite tools for embodied breathing is the Komuso Shift. It’s a pendant that’s designed after a tool used by ancient Japanese monks. It will help you improve breathing, deal with stress and slow down. It's also a fantastic tool for getting out of your head and into your body. Use code "breathewithlanae" when you buy. Buy the Komuso Shift.
Doing a yoga class online will help you feel more embodied. There are tons of options to follow along with on YouTube. If you want to take it one step further, my favorite place here in California now has online access to courses everywhere. You can try YogaWorks $19 All Access + 14-day free trial (full access to both, live and on-demand classes - reg $49) Use code “accessyourbest” at checkout.
Or, if you’re really interested in up-leveling your skills, you can try another one of my personal favorites, the Yoga of Sex. It’s a home study course used in sexological bodywork training. You can try a free mini-course and then select a full course if you like it. Try the Yoga of Sex bodywork course.
Whether you book a massage at a spa or exchange massages with your partner, this is one of the top ways to get into your body. It promotes relaxation and helps you tune out your mind and focus on how your body feels. Want to learn with your partner how to give each other massages without needing a massage table? I recommend MELT - the couples massage course. It’s an intimate, learn-at-home (and at your own pace) 3-part series massage course. Each series is designed for a specific purpose. Start from as little as $34.95. Buy MELT - the couples massage course.
High-quality massage oil is necessary if you want to uplevel your at-home massage game, whether with your partner or on your own. One of the most exquisite self-care/self-love practices is a DIY head-to-toe Abhyanga massage with yummy oil. My favorite brand is Banyan Botanicals. Get out of your head and more into your body AND nourish yourself from head to toe. Try Banyan Botanicals massage oil.
I hope these tools help you with your embodiment practice. If you have questions, comment below, and we can start a discussion. Embodiment is one of my favorite things to talk about!
Until next week…
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