The People-Pleasing Part of Me

I thought I was being easygoing—until I realized I was just tolerating.

Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash

There’s a part of me I’ve had to get to know better—the people-pleasing part. The one that says yes even when deep down I know the answer is no.

A while back, early in my sexuality studies, I tried a boundary exercise that showed me just how strong that part was.

The first time I tried the exercise, my practice partner touched my face—brushing my cheek, near my mouth. I just sat there, letting it happen.

Later I realized: I hadn’t liked it. I hadn’t said anything. I’d just tolerated.

The next time, I caught myself sooner. I noticed the feeling right before discomfort, and this time I said no.

That one small shift—from tolerating to choosing—changed so much.

When I learned to notice my body’s signals earlier, I stopped just tolerating and started choosing. That changed the way I show up in intimacy, in work, and in life. But I gotta admit: it’s a practice. It certainly wasn’t one-and-done for me.

If you want the full breakdown (including two practices I teach to help break free from the hold of people-pleasing), you can read the full post here.

I’ve created a simple, printable Boundary Mapping Exercise to help you practice noticing your body’s signals. Subscribers can grab the exercise below.

(Not a subscriber yet? This guide is one of the tools I usually share with clients—and you can get it when you’re a paid subscriber.)