The Rush to Romance

A Quick, Critical Look at Modern Dating Culture

Before bed, my partner and I like to watch @CodyKo reviews of "The Button." If you don’t know what that is, it’s a dating show where two people sit in front of a button. They ask each other questions, and if they decide they don’t want to date, they hit the button.

It is SO HARSH sometimes. Someone will say ONE thing, and the other person hits the button. I get so frustrated watching it because I’m always thinking: Why’d you hit the button?!

When the contestants explain why they chose to hit the button, they’ll usually say:

”I just got friend vibes.”

My thought process is always the same while I watch these people write someone off, just for ONE thing:

What is the rush?!?

It reminds me of an experience my daughter had a few years ago. She was a freshman in high school and someone asked her to Homecoming. She said yes. This person then asked her out to see a movie. She said yes.

After the movie — basically their first "date" — this person said, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” She told me her thoughts were, “um, I don’t really know you, though. What’s the rush?!”

In all these dating shows (The Button, Too Hot to Handle, Love is Blind), there’s such a focus on hooking up and discarding someone the moment they say one thing. Of course, as a sexologist, I have no problem with people hooking up (safely, naturally). But I don’t think it’s often the foundation for a great relationship. I know younger Lanae needs to hear that, as I used to hook-up in my younger years, hoping it would lead to a relationship.

Although many people do the same, according to one study, only 12% of people indicated that a hookup had evolved into a romantic relationship (Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000). That’s a low success rate if you ask me!

I know our culture places a lot of emphasis on sex and the "male gaze," which can put societal pressure on heterosexual women where some will hook up as a way to get a man. However, mutual respect and communication is key to breaking this cycle and empowering individuals to take the time to truly get to know each other and build a strong foundation for a relationship.

It’s important to remember that everyone is different, and there’s no one “right” way to approach dating. But taking the time to get to know someone and building a connection based on shared values and interests can lead to a more fulfilling and successful relationship. So next time you're faced with a decision to rush or take your time, ask yourself: What's the rush?

I hope these stories and insights are helpful for you as you approach dating (or are helping your kids navigate the dating world). Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

xxoo,
Lanae

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