Unpacking Society's Mixed Messages About Sex and Intimacy

Navigating the Paradox

Have you ever felt puzzled by the conflicting messages society sends about sex? From early childhood to adulthood, we are often bombarded with paradoxical viewpoints that can make our journey toward understanding sex and intimacy feel like walking through a maze. I want to tackle some of these mixed messages and offer guidance on navigating your way through them.

The Whirlpool of Mixed Messages

1. The Lock and Key Analogy: When someone says, "Women are the 'locks' meant to be opened by a 'key,' aka men,” they’re perpetuating harmful gender stereotypes and reducing sex to a power dynamic.

2. Good Girls Don't vs. Boys Will Be Boys: Ah, the age-old double standard. Girls, protect your "purity," and boys, go out and conquer. Seriously? 😑

3. Wait for Marriage but Don't Marry Too Young: Right, because we all come with built-in timers for when we're "ready" for marital bliss and sexual exploration.

4. Be Careful, But Don't Be a Tease: How should someone navigate the tightrope between not "leading someone on" and expressing genuine interest or affection? Serious question.

5. Parental Intimacy Mystery: Parents say, "Kids, sex is a beautiful expression of love between two people who love each other." Yeah, until they hide every trace of caring affection between them because it's... what? Awkward? Inappropriate?

6. Biological Clock vs. Don't Rush: Especially for women. Have kids before it's too late! But also, don't hurry! Make up your mind, society. 🙄

7. Teaching Consent in Schools is Controversial: "Don't confuse the kids!" But really, aren't we doing just that by not providing comprehensive education on what is consensual and what isn’t? Besides, I think often the adults saying this are the ones that don’t understand consent.

8. Sex is Private, but Over-Sexualization is Public: Body parts are sensationalized in advertising and media, but a candid discussion about sexual health? "Oh no, too taboo!" (Especially on social media where sexuality education posts are routinely censored or shadowbanned. I’m looking at YOU, Meta! 😡)

9. Abstinence-Only vs. Hypersexual Media: One second, it's "save yourself," and the next, it's scantily clad celebrities and overtly sexual storylines. Pick a lane!

10. Sex is Shameful but Also Sells: Why does society use sexuality to market everything from cars to burgers, but then shames individuals for expressing their own sexuality?

11. Don't Have Sex vs. When Are You Having Kids?: Adults hammer it into youngsters, "Don't have sex! Don't have sex!" Then, the minute you tie the knot, they're like, "So when are you going to make us grandparents?" Make it make sense, people!

12. Sex is Nasty but Save It for the One You Love: Oh, this gem. They say sex is "nasty, dirty, and naughty," yet we're supposed to save this supposedly awful thing for someone we deeply love? Mind-boggling!

13. Be Pure, But Be Sexy: Young female artists (especially in the 90’s) have been expected to maintain a "pure" image while also being sexualized in media. Recent revelations, like Britney Spears admitting she lost her virginity at 14, expose the hypocrisy in these societal expectations.

Phew, that's quite a list! Feel like you're being pulled in a dozen directions? I get it. We are. But hang tight; we're going to sort through all of this, layer by layer.