You know it when you see it

An exercise to help you determine if your partner is right for you

I was on a flight where I sat in the exit row- the kind that has the flight attendant jumpseat directly opposite on the wall. 

Across the aisle was a 20-something hetero couple. He was an average, casually dressed SF tech guy. She was super femme and pretty, but her voice was the type that always asks to talk to the manager (a Karen, if you will). 

Somehow I knew this meant trouble. 

As the flight got underway, the young woman (let’s call her Karen) pulled the jumpseat down and put her feet up, shoes and all. A flight attendant politely asked her not to, but as soon as the flight attendant turned his back, she ignored the direction and put her feet up again. Another flight attendant walked by and saw her and politely asked her not to. She must have said something about the shoes because Karen kicked off her sandals and put a napkin down so she could put her bare feet on the jumpseat again. That second flight attendant asked her not to again. Karen threw the napkin on the floor and then put her bare feet up again (!) without the napkin. The staff saw this and went to get the purser. 

The purser arrived and there was much discussion of not following flight crew instructions and Karen was given a form to fill out as acknowledgement of the discussion. As soon as the purser left Karen pointedly tossed the form on the floor. When the purser came back to get the completed form, the woman said she wasn’t going to fill it out. “What’s your name?” she demanded, as if that would intimidate the purser. 

All the while, Karen’s male partner looked on, sort of dazed and ignoring the scene. 

Why am I telling you this?

This story is an example of what I call: “You know it when you see it.” 

I have an exercise for people working to figure out their relationships, especially pre-marriage. Talking about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences helps you understand each other better. This exercise is made up of conversations starters that encourage openness, support, and fun, making your connection even stronger.