Unpopular opinions about sex

I have an opinion specific to sex (which is a big part of relationships) that I used to share with my students at the beginning of each semester:

If you can’t talk about sex, you shouldn’t be having it.

Some students would get a little indignant at hearing that. Mainly because many people think they know everything about sex. I mean, I don’t blame them; I did too. I knew the “plumbing and prevention” stuff most everyone learns.

But after taking my class and learning about sex/uality for 3 hours every week for 16 weeks in a basic 101 level course? Well, maybe you can begin to imagine how much there actually is to learn. That much and it’s still just scratching the surface!

(And sometimes folks like to learn these things in the coaching I do today. Since I’ve gone private, I’m more like a governess. LOL)

What do we cover? Biology, psychology, sociology, dating, love, relationships, jealousy, relationship configurations, consent, bodily autonomy, research methods, pleasure and so much more. Sex covers nearly every discipline.

At the end of my semester, I started asking students if there was anything they learned that surprised them. One student raised her hand and said she noticed a strong reaction to my opinion statement.

…And it sat with her all semester.

But upon deeper reflection she realized that, yeah, her teenage self probably would have benefitted deeply by learning much more about sex. And she reflected that she probably wouldn’t have made some of the decisions she did knowing how little she actually knew about it.

Sex is ridiculously complex, and generally speaking I think American and other cultures don’t give the subject the real respect it deserves. I thank colonialism (which is probably another unpopular opinion).

I think one should be able to communicate their desires, fears, needs, etc.—and have a partner who can reciprocate and understand them. Otherwise one might be very alone in the sex they have.

A few more unpopular opinions I have about sex:

It’s not actually sex we seek. It’s intimacy connection and freedom

If you can’t communicate with your partner, you definitely shouldn’t be polyamorous. 

If you can’t communicate with your partner (about sex or otherwise), then you really shouldn’t be in a polyamorous relationship. Those relationships require a shit ton of communication.

If you can’t have sex sober, you shouldn’t be having it. If you can’t have sex sober, why can’t you? What does that say?

Your turn: Tell me what your unpopular opinion about sex is. Or, let me know how one of these opinions made you feel.

I can’t wait to hear what comes up for you!

xxoo,
Lanae

P.S. Did the idea of taking a class all about sex with me sound intriguing? I have a mini-course you can take right now: Sex Life Reset. Check it out here.